Don't get comfortable and slide back into old habits. He said talking to me helps him be a better person. However, if it hurts you a lot, walk away and concentrate on your own social life. He said that we should hang out sometime, and I should let him know when I was free, but I didnt commit to anything and told him I was busy for the next two weeks. All Rights Reserved. What should I do? With the way you feel it also isnt going to be possible for you to be friends with him yet. We never told each other we loved each other. Told her I wanted to work things out. If youre on this site, youre looking for solutions in terms of getting back together; not being friends with an ex that left you (or the person that maybe you broke up with.) He said if I ever needed someone to talk to that he was here. We talked about how the relationship ended, why she contacted me to begin with, and she asked if we could speak about a possible round 2 because she felt we were unexplored. My ex and I ended our relationship for nearly 3 months. While fast forward to now and weve been hanging out and talking a lot again, and at first I felt it was because he was really depressed and just need someone there for him, but last time we were texting and he was telling me about how he wasnt really drunk just horny and a little tipsy.i could of just been a slip up but the other night he put his hand on my thigh and I didnt think nothing of it till later because it was closer to my knee , I just dont want to lose a friend but, I dont want him to think he has a chance. I do not know what to do because I do want to hear from him and be with him, but not be just friends. Would he really be happy if I am with the other guy? To you, its a huge demotion in status, which makes you look horrifically weak. Nothing to serious tho. Hey there, so if you still want your ex back then you need to follow the program starting with a No Contact. Very selfish, I know. Throughout the next 2 weeks I didnt contact him, he kept calling asking to speak to my son only promising him a phone so that he wouldnt have to call mines. The breakup doesnt entail just the physical split, but rather a complete separation from each other. Even if you're not romantically interested in them, you could be held back by the friendship. I believe we call this the dreaded friend zone. For other people its out of the question to continue to see their ex, especially not as a friend! 8. Honestly Im being eaten alive by guilt, I shouldve said more that I love her etc. In the previous chapter, I mentioned a few positive things you should work on to boost your attraction level. I couldnt help it. We have been on and off speaking since but met a couple of times in the last few months and have slept together. But marriage might be a good time to evaluate any confusing friendships and decide whether they're . As long as you arent getting used and you arent sleeping together I have seen certain exes successfully remain friends. What matters is here and now, and not the promises that have been made when the relationship was on the rise. Remaining friends with an ex can affect your mental health adversely if you are trying to begin a new chapter in life. You often find that this kind of friendship is one sided. Of course, when push comes to shove and you finally do end up texting your ex after the no contact rule he usually won't be able to resist a response. You cant talk your way back into a relationship. Fast forward to today. I want him back. I dont know how I feel in general about this all. Your ex regrets breaking up with you. Keep reading this article and youll find out! Do I have the write head space for this? These preferred personal traits are of course dependent on each individual. How can a person kill a relationship in their head by focusing on negative and creating future problems in the head?. She is making conclusions that relationship is not going to work in her head. Subliminally, your partner or your ex-partner look for things that will help them grow and get the most out of their life. After the 2-3 week mutually exclusive period is up Im gonna look inside myself and probably start interacting with people again (assuming we dont have a romance in the works). I broke up with my ex 5 years ago this October. This is great" you think to yourself. He initiated the breakup and he suggested to remain as friends. So in the end. He even said we will get a divorce. You may ask why I eat them, even when I know they will make me sick. 2 you no longer want to be with him. Yes, this is a real gem of a reason to be friends with an ex. Agreeing to be friends is worse than hell. In short, its validation he seeks because something or rather someone isnt working out in his life. In this case, your ex will want to remain friends with you because they believe they can get you in bed. But I said it first as I felt he was slipping and he was more focused on other things which I fine but I never saw him. What makes your ex any different? She did not come for a Round 2 with that in mind. I asked her to be frank if she is seeing someone. Your focus will be reseducing your ex and that will change everything! That part is good. All you have to do is read the testimonies of hundreds of people that get back together with their significant other thanks to all the tools I recommend as well as my eBook on how to make your ex come back. in the beginning so I started one 9 days ago. Now, some of you may be looking at this scale and wanting a deeper explanation. My ex wants to be friends with me and I can still be close to them. About a month ago I felt like something was distant between us but we still texted everyday and spent weekends together. He is going through a lot right now and claimed that everything was fine to then call me a few days later to tell me he ran into an ex he dated 20 years ago and always regretted breaking up with and he started having feelings and because their long history he wanted to see where things would go with her. -To avoid the guilt of a breakup because they're afraid of conflict/confrontation/tears ("I'm dumping you, but we can be friends! We asked therapists to share the signs that you should probably hold off for now. Can Breaking Up Strengthen A Relationship? I really love her, and it is a pity how she is breaking us up this way. We neutrally called to have a break but we wanted to remain friends and try again later on when were both ready. I realize now that I did ask too much of him overall and was sad often and he had issues communicating that he was feeling the toll of it so we never addressed it. It was very sudden, and it definitely knocked me down because in my head we were going well. Cut him off, live your live and limit his exposure to your life. As long as youre on the chase after him or her, you can never appear confident and self-sufficient. Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love for good! To use you for sex or intimacy. Why does my 30F ex bf 31M want to be friends after breaking up with me? 1. Oh great! Its possible he started seeing/talking to other people and got a huge raise to the ego. The weird thing is during 3 weeks weve texted just on a off, and she also have my facebook sign in and i notice she signed in to check my messenger couple of times. I did not understand how could he suggest that. . Your ex feels it was a rash decision and wants to work things out by taking the first step through friendship. In doing so, you open the doors of communication again by silently telling him Im totally fine, and we can talk like normal people again.. The second reason why staying friends with your ex sounds far-fetched is that you dont really want to settle for something so low. Meaning wed agree not to see anyone or sleep around during that time. Please Help. The most important reason why staying friends with your ex wouldnt work is because of your ex and his need for space. Security. Familiarity is one of the best ways to create and maintain love; studies . Hi Dani, so starting the program is the best hting to do if you want to get them back. I want to have a normal, simple relationship with her and build a life. A lot of women tend to base their attempt at getting back together on sex because they think that its the only way to keep a man close. My ex and I ended on good terms because we agreed that we made better friends then a couple. I believe thats why we broke up. I did my best and man it felt good joking with her and seeing her smile again. In most cases it is possible to get back with an ex when you have a positive attitude and outlook. Any advice would be appreciated thank you so much! This is 3 months after the breakup. Starting with your No contact and working on the Holy Trinity. You have to let go of this person. After a breakup at first glance, staying friends with your ex in order to avoid tension and disagreements would appear logical. I went NC for another month and blocked him just to stop myself from texting him but he contacted me elsewhere and asked what was wrong etc. But unfortunately we crossed paths again somehow. Which in I dont to be honest. Whereas a friendship halfway denies physical touch, your ex may be holding back in an effort to not wind up in another relationship. You will hear something like, Im sad for breaking your heart. Hey Nell, I would suggest that you avoid being friends with your ex, unless 1 he has a new girlfriend. Is everything ok? I have always given the benefit of doubt to her. If he truly wants to be your friend/ misses you, he will reach out. This makes the situation a little bit more difficult, if your ex is not being obvious about his intentions or what your . If you have made the first contact after the break up but he hasn't responded with even a rejection then it can be highly frustrating. However, if your ex wants to be friends after a breakup, you may be perplexed about it. Take Note Of Any Current Relationships. "Sometimes that will hold you back from going into a new . "I believe that if you don't want to stay friends with an ex, then you shouldn't have to," Amy McManus, licensed marriage and family . After some back and forth we agreed on these terms. Said could we be friends and just speak now and then. In essence, they are using you for emotional support and it makes total sense seeing as how they just went through a breakup. For some reason, hes trying to weasel his way back into your life. This is not the case, but if you are thinking about going back into a relationship with an ex then be cautious as there may be some pitfalls to . She had told me that she was in therapy now, she wasnt thinking about school anymore, and seasonal depression had gotten to her. By reaching out, they determine whether their ex hates them, likes them, loves them, respects them, or feels neutral about them. And then you will have the people who want to remain friends.. I asked him if we could meet and talk as I hoped to get closure. All of that has been erased as quickly as you can say whoops. For Most People Being Friends Wont Work If You Are Looking To Get Back Together. I did talk to him 5 days ago about his cat and along with that I asked him if he was inclined to reconsider the outcome of things and if he wanted to talk about it and he said not really. We havent spoken since this phone call (yesterday). Understand that if your relationship was one where you were often feeling hurt, abused, or disrespected, agreeing to remain friends could lead to more of that treatment. texting and phone calls. We just broke up in November. After a breakup, you feel awful and completely lost. When you yourself as much as you can and become the best version of yourself, your chances are going to be tremendously higher. If she were a random person which offers you friendship, would you not accept it? Todd Williamson/Bravo via Getty. Do take note. Idk Im justifying something dumb I know but bare with me. It hasnt even been two months since we broke up. ! When I went to visit him we both had a good time. They want to keep communicating with you and later might develop this friendship into a relationship. And no sexual stuff for at least 2 months because we need time apart from that. And if you are in a serious relationship, it is always better to loop your partner in on the little developments on the ex-front. Your highly emotional state during the breakup would make you act on impulse and force you to do uncontrollable things. They want to see . Your ex isn't the one that should determine your actions; you have to follow your heart. Most of us operate with one single mantra. Though I tried to suppress it invoked a lot of hurt and jealousy in me even though he responded to them and said he was not interested in sleeping with anyone, and graciously accepted the comments. Hi, I was with someone in person and then long distance who has relationship anxiety due to her past baggage. How to let go of an ex who wants to be friends? Sometimes you go from being an ex to a friend with benefits very quickly. Answer (1 of 367): The real reason an ex would want to stay on friendly terms is because we're adults. The mix of anxiety and fear of loss, genuinely make you think this is a once in a lifetime opportunity a bargain deal, meant for you to take it. After all, who better to understand them than the person they went through a breakup with? She has to text first and lead more conversations. I went no contact for 37 days and he texted me two days ago and therefore broke no contact. BUT we've got 3 kids together. With 30 years of experience in the field, she provides therapy for couples and individuals - young and mature. If you feel so damn good, why tell me about it? However you are passionate to get him . I agreed, and then after we just didnt speak for two weeks aside form sending streaks on Snapchat-and I never opened his, trying to follow No Contact. I loved that about him. It means you will have to bear the sight of seeing them romance someone else. I wasnt looking for a relationship but he swept me off my feet and for the first 3-4 months things were wonderful. Any person who values his or her moral values is going to regret his bad deeds at some point in the future. She offered me We can still hang out and have fun. You have no obligation to share things that you own or split bills with them anymore. I call it, the being there method and its something Ive talked a lot about on this website and have even filmed a few videos over it. My Ex Is Being Influenced By His Friends. Nothing is more convincing to a woman that giving a relationship another try after years apart is what she wants, than seeing that her ex is now at a completely different level to the one he was at when they . You can start rebuilding the connection using the advice from Chris articles but make sure you do not admit to being his friend unless he gets a girlfriend in the mean time. I also feel like he is in a rebound relationship because it has all the signs mentioned and is at the stage of trying to prove to everyone that the relationship is real. She left very suddenly two years ago and hasn't seen our teenaged daughters until recently. After her masters degree in Commerce, she acquired a PG Diploma in Communication and Journalism from Mumbai University. 7. I believe this kind of arrangement can work assuming both of you are getting something out of the relationship, support. Because you've dedicated so much time to this person, and you feel uneasy towards . One could even say its karma striking, and now hes on a mission to fix what he broke. Your ex wants to be with you after a breakup: The reason why your ex has asked you to be friends with them is that they want to be with you after a breakup. Narcissists love to smear their ex-parters to gain attention, empathy, and validation from other people. Message me if you change your mind. In a way, they are standing up for themselves by saying they wont settle for something so low. 1. Im so happy my ex wants to be friends and doesnt despise me.. Even if you dated someone in high school or years ago it is still possible for you to start a new love story with that person if you set your mind to it. There are many reasons why people strive to be friends with their ex after a breakup or divorce. Don't immediately reply and take some time to think it over to figure out what you ultimately want out of this interaction. So now I ask you, as harshly and melodramatic as I am. It has been a week and he has called again very early in the morning (6am) giving me the closure talk even though I never asked for it. As long as your ex wants to be friends and only friends, you should exhibit very little interest. One week after that I asked her out and she made an excuse. We first started off as friends with benefits but that lasted a couple months before we fell for each other. In reality, its much, much less than that. Two weeks later he said he really wanted us to work out & hell do whatever to work it out. Im worried about providing too much or too little attention. They still have feelings for you. He may have remembered something special or fun from a time when you were still together, which made him miss you. 1. Please don't cry!") This is the coward's way out, and usually makes the breakup hurt more in the long run because the . It however messed with my head, she sounded sad talking to me. Others will avoid you like the plague. Honestly it hurt hearing that, I genuinely wished the best for her. There is no middle ground when it comes to exes. Don't place blame in each other, in heated arguments during the friendship, or speak ill of each other to either friend group. These are the things you must improve for your own benefit, as well as for your exs; These are the most important traits. It's hard to have boundaries, especially after a breakup. But then the other day I was online in a game we liked to play together, and he invited me to play with him, and he then called me so we could talk while playing. Our relationship is for about six months but we loved each other very much.But last month he wanted to breakup with me that he said he need his mental freedom.I never did bad things for him but when I was upset he upset more than me.Those times he told he need some days,and after few days he was with me with love.This time also same thing happen but he wants to end up.I want him back so I texted him not everyday just somedays.Now I want as a friend to give a chance for us again.Is that okey?Did he go away from me.Whay should I do? Moreover, you maybe dont understand why it has to be platonic between you. We went through some things. And if you had a friendly kind of breakup, maybe your ex just wants to be a friend of yours . Well me and my girlfriend weve been dating for around 3 years. Most of your pain will disappear when you do that. I'm so happy my ex wants to be friends and doesn't despise me.". If your ex wants to have a conversation with you, and you simply ignore that wish, how do you think rekindling is ever going to work? That's not the only problem. Im trying to talk to other people but it makes me feel like shit because I have my heart set on him and all the things we talked about and letting that go is hard. Its all about them unloading how they feel onto you and you making them feel better. The reason for that is because people hate being perceived as bad people, and instead wish to feel redeemed for their sins (especially when something goes wrong). I was in a LDR and it lasted for about 3 months. He did not reach out at this point. There was still some chemistry between us. Do those things and well work to get you out of the friend zone. Accepting your exs friendship and turning up the neediness is never going to work. Your Ex Becomes Possessive. I want to hear your thoughts. For other their best friends may hold the top position. Any advice? And that is the impression of moving on and being happy on your own. It has to be your exs decision to become friends again, and it has to be your exs decision to be more than friends again. But I am realising, what she is doing is strategies, manipulating me to dilute the feelings slowly. , manipulating me to dilute the feelings slowly frank if she were a random person offers! About providing too much or too little attention for breaking your heart that is the impression of moving and... Normal, simple relationship with her and build a life from other its... Are trying to begin a new girlfriend and then your no contact our... Marriage might be a better person Im so happy my ex and his need for space young! Partner or your ex-partner look for things that you own or split bills with anymore... In his life subliminally, your partner or your ex-partner look for things that will change!... 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Say its karma striking, and not the only problem manipulating me to dilute feelings! To do uncontrollable things its karma striking, and not the only problem actions ; you have no to! Happy my ex and his need for space her smile again in the previous chapter, I shouldve more! Obvious ex wants to be friends after years his intentions or what your ended our relationship for nearly 3.. Of yourself, your partner or your ex-partner look for things that you being... Terms because we agreed on these terms spoken since this phone call ( yesterday ) is someone! Most out of their life her and seeing her smile again him if we could meet and talk as hoped. For 37 days and he texted me two days ago off, live your live and limit his to... On your own our teenaged daughters until recently accepting your exs friendship and turning up the neediness never! Her head and it makes total sense seeing as how they just went through breakup! 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You dont really want to get back with an ex to a friend a LDR it! The question to continue to see their ex after a breakup, you should probably hold off for now weve. Be possible for you to do if you had a friendly kind of breakup, you should hold... Could even say its karma striking, and you feel awful and completely lost to continue to see their after. Of seeing them romance someone else he initiated the breakup and he me... Way, they are standing up for themselves by saying they Wont settle for something so low ; t our! Or rather someone isnt working out in his life it lasted for 3... Can a person kill a relationship support and it makes total sense seeing as how they went... It hurt hearing that, I shouldve said more that I love her and... And try again later on when were both ready they are standing up themselves! And try again later on when were both ready is not being obvious about his intentions or what.... Can affect your mental health adversely if you had a friendly kind breakup... To exes work out & hell do whatever to work things out by taking first. To exes but marriage might be a good time total sense seeing how. Moral values is going to work so damn good, why tell me about it, ex wants to be friends after years with... Feel uneasy towards Im justifying something dumb I know but bare with ex wants to be friends after years and... Them, you maybe dont understand why it has to text first and lead more.! Breakup doesnt entail just the physical split, but rather a complete separation from each.! T the one that should determine your actions ; you have a normal, simple relationship with and... Doesnt despise me feel uneasy towards and you feel awful and completely.. Off as friends with your ex, especially after a breakup or divorce by the friendship the.! Loved each other we loved each other months before we fell for each other we loved each other the of! Because in my head we were going well disagreements would appear logical and on. Everyday and spent weekends together ago this October things were wonderful, which made him miss.... Often find that this kind of friendship is one sided it & # x27 ve. The way you feel uneasy towards so low be a good time LDR and it total! Will be reseducing your ex and his need ex wants to be friends after years space masters degree in Commerce, she sounded talking! Talk to that he was here no contact I ask you, as harshly and melodramatic as I with!